k...k...k...2

i have to admit that having k in my life was one of the best things that happened to me...

...we emailed each other everyday, it was strictly bussiness at first...as the time goes by, the purpose of the email changed...

One day i called his office, his colleague told me that he'll be on leave for the whole week. Ok, it was the school holiday at that time. I thought to myself, he's taking leave on school holiday...he must be married. When he came back, i asked him where he went. 'Took ur kids for holiday ke?' I could hear his 'reluctantness' in replying my question, so asked him again and he answered 'ermmm...no lah, anak belum sekolah lagi'. I was hoping that his answer would be 'No, i'm not even married.' But that was definitely not his answer. Damnnnn.....he's married...

I quit my job and he helped me in looking for a new job. When i got the new job, i emailed him to tell him the good news. From that day, it was an everyday thing again and it was not work related emails...
One day he asked me out and i agreed.
Everytime we went out, i would say to myself 'what am i doing? jahatnye aku keluar ngan suami orang...' I know very well that this is so very wrong, but at that time, nothing is stopping me. One day he asked me 'u sanggup jadi no 2 ke?' I was stunned...I don't know the answer...His question was not answered till today...

He showed me the pic of his wife and kids, one boy and one girl. The Malay saying 'sakitnya bagai dihiris-hiris' (cuts like a knife) was how i felt when i saw his wife's pic. Thinking of him together with his wife really hurt me.
We went out for a dinner 2 days before hari raya and on the way back, his wife called and she said that the son wants to speak to him. They spoke and i could hear his son asking him when is he coming home. I just sat there quietly and listened to their conversation. Then i heard him say 'Babah tak boleh cakaplah sayang, tengah drive'. Soon after that, their conversation ended. It was so quiet in the car after that. For me, i felt really hurt, but i'm not sure whether it was because of jealousy or because of the guilt.
When we arrived at my place, i just wished him a happy hari raya and he told me that it's not possible for him to call me during raya break, but he will text me. Then we said goddbye to each other. A week passed by and there was no messages from him, so i called him. I sensed something's not right when i can feel the 'reluctantness' again from his side. I confronted him by telling that if he wants to end this, just say it. He ask me whether i'm happy and i said no, i'm not happy. Then what is the point of going on....We discussed and agreed that breaking up is the best way...
Part of me still hurt and the other part felt so relieved that this is over. I know i will survive this break up....
I pray that this will be my first and my last involvement with somebody else's husband...Tak sanggup rasanya nak sakiti hati perempuan lain dan kalau dia boleh ada affair ketika dia masih lagi berkahwin, dia juga boleh melakukannya kepadaku sekiranya kami berkahwin...
I thank God that He showed me the way out...Alhamdulillah

That was the end of me and K...

no regrets...